My wife and I are both students and we recently wrapped up our first year of graduate school. Now that its summer I find myself thinking “I hope someday, I am able to enjoy Summer”. Here’s the thing, I don’t. I can’t. Summer is probably the most stressful time of the year for us. We survive off of student loans during the rest of the year, which adds its own form of stress, but this, this is immediate stress. There is not financial aid in the summer, so that means finding jobs. Finding a summer job is crazy. There are people out there that spend months searching for a full time job that is year long with no luck. No one ever seems to want to hire someone for three months out of the year, and you’re dreaming if you want full time. I had that interview for that teaching gig a few weeks ago, but I have yet to hear back. Even if I get it we’re still behind. Essentially I need that for my résumé, not the pay check. Being a student seems to mean constantly planning for the future and not knowing how to get through the now. It sucks. A lot. Add two kids to the mix and its amazing that I still have any hair left on my head.
Those two are the reasons that we keep doing this though. I need to finish this graduate program so that I can teach at a college level and bring in some sort of decent pay consistently. To those that tell me that college teachers don’t make a lot of money, yeah thanks but I’ve been so dirt poor for so long that a lowly teachers salary seems like all the riches in the kingdom to me. And who needs more than that? Seriously. At least growing up punk has taught me how to mend clothes and fix toys. We are damned good at making things stretch.
So here we are trying to make ends meet. Trying being the operative word, though at times its more like hope. It’s discouraging having people repeatedly tell you that they don’t want you. It’s scary not having a solid plan. Worst of all, it sucks knowing that summer is supposed be fun and not being able to experience that, not being able to let my kids experience it. It breaks my heart, but we keep trying. Less than a month into my break from school and I find myself wishing that the semester could start back up, just so that we can start living off of tomorrow’s dime.
Who knows, maybe we’ll get some good news this week. I’m manically checking my email to see if I got that teaching spot. I just need some good news. Maybe then it will start feeling like phow I imagine summer should feel: Fun.
Recommended track list:
Alkaline Trio: Maybe I’ll Catch Fire
The Ataris: Boys of Summer